never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
