weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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