is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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