you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
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