ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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