I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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