I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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