Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
