What a fucking waste of an outfit
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
The Olympian is in my bed
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
