marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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