Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
