the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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