I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
well you can't waste a boner
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
