dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
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