so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
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