I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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