FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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