I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
