R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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