If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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