First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
