do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
