Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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