apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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