How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
