you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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