She is in my trunk
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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