you traded sex for a burrito?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just want nice things and good sex
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Randomize
