if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
