I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
