the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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