I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
