Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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