i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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