I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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