I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
