Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
