sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
