Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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