Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
