I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
