i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Randomize
