I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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