like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
