Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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