Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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