You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
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