So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
