So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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