i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
