my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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