im gay
i know
yea but for you.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
