just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
