Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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