Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
