I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
