your room smells of hookers.
And success
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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