Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
